Tug of War

Two opposites fighting - a tug of war.

Incorporation of physical activity
I CAN push myself.

Realistically, after work I'm tired. BUT I can go further. This will help me sleep sooner, too. I noted an intense amount of excersize amongst the successful BiPolar individuals I researched years ago, not just a little. Physically, the brain will release endorphins that stimulate dopamine, dopamine I need. (My paraphrase, the terminology and actual physical process may be incorrect.)

The muscles on the right side of the rope are stronger than the left.

Shoot for more. Settling is not an option. It's not an option anymore. It was when I was numb. Now, upon my request, a week and a half ago, my psychiatrist lessened my dose  of Lamotrigine from 300mg/day to 200mg/day. She added 15mg Buspirone twice a day for anxiety. The Bispirone seemed to lessen the tension in my face initially, but I did not think of or recognize the severity my depression at the time of my appointment. My negative thoughts were being warded off with coping mechanisms my therapist had been teaching and reminding me of.  They help. At the time I saw my phsychiatrist I believe I was a manic, depression was not a lense over my days.
My depressive thoughts now seem to be taking over, worse than my last phase (not too long before I saw my phsychiatrist). My next appoint my with her is in about three weeks with no option of a sooner appointment (I checked). I'm going to see if I can be put on the cancelation list for an appointment that may open up, and try to get an appointment with the other phsychiatrist. At the same time, there is a free clinic I will set up an appointment with.

In the meantime, I have the ability to strengthen my pull on the left side of the rope.